When talking to someone who is trapped in an abusive group, there is no “magic wand” that works on everyone. But here are some simple questions you can ask your loved one to get them to start thinking for themselves – which is always a good first step.
- What attracted you to your group in the first place? Getting them thinking about what originally sparked their interest leads naturally to the next question:
- When you first joined, what did you expect to achieve as a member of the group? Ask for their personal goals, rather than the broader group goal.
- What have you achieved, and what do you hope to achieve in the future? Get them to compare their goals when they joined the group (and what’s been promised) with what they’ve actually achieved.
- What have you personally witnessed others achieve? Prompt them to look at what is being gained by their fellow believers.
- How long do you expect it will take to achieve your goals? How long will it take before they reach the promised level of enlightenment or success? How long do they expect to wait for the group’s goals to be reached?
- The vital thing to remember when dealing with someone in a coercive situation is to keep the lines of communication open – patience, compassion, tolerance and understanding are the best gifts we can ever give.
For more ideas, watch Jon Atack, Family & Friends on YouTube